Gimmee a Smile
It’s safe to say that just about every woman and maybe even a few men have had some experience with the street phenomenon known as “cat-calling.” And now, due to the overwhelming power of social media, it is highly likely that a lot of you saw the viral video produced by the marketing company “Hollaback,” where a woman records her experience walking up and down the streets of New York City. While the video was powerful in terms of its marketing outreach and for shining a light on the problem of street harassment; it was nevertheless problematic in terms of the way it represented men. Most of the men that appeared in the video were poor and/or working class men, identified as black or latino. The production company, it turned out, edited out the white men, whose incidents of harassment were deemed to be not as sensational or camera worthy.
Jessica Williams navigates the streets of New York
[ Note: to watch this video, paste the following link in your browser http://thedailyshow.cc.com/videos/5ndnit/jessica-s-feminized-atmosphere ]
What Men Are Really Saying When They Catcall Women
Here again, we might use intersectional theory to help us make sense of the different experiences that people have in regards to street harassment, taking into account how this activity plays out in different ways, based on dynamics of race, class, and gender.
The first video demonstrated how poor and working class men engage in street harassment. Now think about how not poor professional men, many who are often white, might engage in similar activity, even if it is not always on the street.
What if Dudes Catcalled Dudes?
Elon Jame White, the CEO of This Week in Blackness, isn’t buying the “guys just want to say Hello” argument. He started the hashtag #DudesGreetingDudes to illustrate the absurdity of the idea.
The Comedians at Funny or Die are in on the joke to0, as they take the absurdity to another level, acting out what it would look like if men said the kind of things to each other that they say to other women.
Benevolent Patriarchy
Why are women so sensitive about catcalling? Don’t they understand that men who are socially awkward are simply trying to say “hi?”
Not really. There’s actually a lot more going on here than meets the eye. These so-called greetings are a great example of what we might call “benevolent patriarchy.”
Let’s break this down a bit. What do we mean by “patriarchy?” Patriarchy refers to an ideology or belief system rooted in unique gender differences; it upholds the idea of a “natural” social order, where men are in charge and women are submissive. Patriarchy is the legitimating ideology that underlies the belief that it is just, right, and proper for men to control political, economic, corporate, legal, social, and marital spheres.
“Benevolent” partriarchy, on the other hand, represents a more insidieous form of this type of thinking: it’s the same idea with nicer packaging. For example, the idealization of motherhood, the idea that women should look to men and expect protection, recognition, and leadership, from them. All rely, more or less, on tacit acceptance of the idea that female self-esteem should be grounded in male approval; and that female self-actualization takes place through men.
So what’s really going on with this greeting behavior? First, the men are exercising their gendered prerogative to both control social space and women’s bodies. Women are supposed to “accept” the “compliment, which is really not a compliment at all, but an example of men exercising power over women. Second, when women fail to respond or appreciate their greeting, they generally take advantage of the opportunity/opening to remind women of their place: to be an object (not a person) of male desire. Women who resist the greeting, don’t respond, etc. are written off as “bitches” and ingrates, who should be thankful they are getting male attention. See how that works?
In these instances, the men commit what sociologist Erving Goffman might call an act of “interactional vandalism.” When men call out to women subsequently indicate they are not interested in having a conversation with them, the men force women to technically “break the rules” of polite social interaction (refusing to acknowledge them). In light of this, catcalls are not greetings at all; they are examples of harassment pure and simple. To illustrate the absurdity of benevolent patriarchy, comedian and This Week In Blackness CEO, Elon James White created the hashtag #dudesgreetingdudes. He serves up the following critique on Twitter:
Gender-based Street Harassment – “Prettiness is not a rent you pay for occupying a space marked ‘female.’”
Gender-based Street harassment, which can effect men as well as women (though incidents reported by women are far more frequent and are to some extent normalized) , is part of a larger system opression, where men feel entitled to comment upon women’s bodies based on their appearance and mannerisms. This kind of harassment is based on the problematic idea that public spaces are actually “men’s spaces” and that women passing through them are subject to the desires, needs, and opinions of the men that own this space.
Sexual harassment is not about desireability. Nor as was stated earlier is it a simple matter of men simply wanting to offer a greeting or share a compliment; this behavior is about men feeling empowered to tell women who dare to encroach upon their social space that they are not sexy to them; that their appearance is not pleaseing; and that by resisting the terms of desirability that are implicit in this system of opressive objectification, they are subject to challenge, insult, and outright dismissal of their personhood.
Behavior that many want to dismiss on grounds that someone is merely “joking” or offering a “compliment” is sexually objectifying. Women are not being treated as women, who are worthy of respect; they are being treated as objects. This type of behavior, moreover, lays a foundation for progressively worse behavior that can lead to sexual violence.
Sources
For more on what does it mean to be pretty, check out his blog post by Erin McKean.
Discussion Questions:
Can you recall a time that you experienced street harassment? What was the social context and how did it make you feel?
Traditional “wisdom” holds that “men can’t control their urges” or “boys will be boys.” Rather than agreeing with this logic, why don’t more men take issue with thinking that more or less puts them on a level with animals that can’t control themselves?
Why does our culture seem to only ever address the problem of harassment and sexual violence as a “woman’s problem” instead of providing a corrective to men: don’t harass women- don’t rape.
In the workplace, I feel it is especially common to get catcalled. Historically, the workplace has been male dominated and when women started moving into the workforce in order to support their families, men began to feel intimidated. The saw work outside of the house as being their job and household chores as a woman’s job. Sexual harassment of women in their place of work originally acted as a coping mechanism for men who felt threatened by women’s presence. As a hostess in a local chain restaurant, I have experienced harassment from my co-workers and boss. I have been kissed on the cheek multiple times by a waiter nicknamed by the women at work as “creepy Carlos.” I have also been told by my boss that “I should smile more because it makes me look prettier.” These things make me, and I think most women, extremely uncomfortable. It makes going to work a stressful experience which is not something men typically have to go through.
For some if not most women, I believe the question ought to be ‘When have you not experienced sexual harassment?’ From the posts above and in the video in the blog, it is evident that women have had more encounters with men who can’t keep their mouths shut than fingers and toes. Two weeks ago I was at my favorite halal cart in the city, the one I’d been going to since I was a sophomore in high school. The two men running the cart were always polite and smiled, which I took as good service. Yet, as I was handing my money to them and taking my food, one of them said “Have a nice day,” while his eyes drifted to an area below my chin, where my eyes obviously were not. I frowned while walking away, comforting myself with the idea that maybe he’d been looking at my necklace and that perhaps collarbones were in this season and I’d missed the memo. Earlier this week, even with the presence of a guy taller than he beside me, the server grinned and asked “What can I get you, baby?” which he’d never ever asked before. I didn’t answer him. The whole “This is just what men do” argument is garbage. Why any man would want to be viewed as an inconsiderate, uncontrollable animal is beyond me. The ones who can approach women respectfully and can refrain from getting attention by shrieking like howler monkeys are the real men, if not just regular human beings.
ok lets keep it real as we all know, everybody is born with a assigned gender that has its role.and for men being the dominan gender with all the privileges bring in them the most demeaning characteristics that a human being can have. now a days we see woman going to college, being in power positions, but in the other hand we see man, specially in the minority groups that can not afford to support their family, have very demeaning jobs that do not pay enough. all those circumstances bring in them the question of how manly they are, and the power that they do not have breaks their masculinity, and they can not afford to be seen as feminine, weak or less by their own sex. as a result, their “power” is shown by being violent against women or simply by calling names/frases/ even following any women that walks by them.
Furthermore, the “power” gained by calling names on the females that they see makes them feel like men, but sadly it works, because we ( females) restrict ourselves of walking let say by a construction and taking the longest way because we do not want to be seen as a piece of meat, we feel uncomfortable, and the fact that if we answered or NOT to what they say, brings in the them the sense that they are in powered, so what should we do against them ? should we walk and just ignored them ? should we continue to show them in an indirect way ( by taking the longest path to avoid a crow of men) that because of them we have to continue to change ?
why the F. do females have to be the ones to change or give up somethings in order to ” survive” in this society ?
and i do not care if we live in a society dominated by men, i do not care about that, what i do care about is why one of the two have to control the other ?
The most recent street harassment I have experienced was about three weeks ago, I was walking towards the subway station and had to stop at a crossing, I heard a man calling me, he told me I was beautiful and wanted to get my number, I felt really embarrassed and annoyed, I didn’t say anything, and I made the mistake of looking in his direction. When I didn’t reply to his proposition, he got angry and screamed “You can’t even say Thank you?” I did not feel he required a thank you from me because his approach was aggressive and unwanted. At the end I felt people staring at me and I felt really ashamed of myself. Even though I knew I shouldn’t be.
I believe it’s difficult for men to think that this puts them on a same level as animals because society makes it easy for them. They rarely get scolded or punished for their daily wrongful treatment of women. Society is in a way enabling them and they won’t see it this way until we take a stand and defend ourselves, and show them the ugly truth. Their eyes need to be open.
Addressing it is as “woman’s problem” is very sexist from our part. I think it’s because our culture doesn’t give women as much respect as they need. We women have come a long way to where we are (voting rights), but we still are being treated like second best. Our culture is ruled by men mostly and it makes it hard to put a stop to sexual violence or harassment because most men don’t have to deal with it and/or don’t think it’s a problem. That’s why our culture doesn’t just say “Don’t harass women or don’t rape”.
Being a woman in New York City and I would imagine in most cities, the opportunities for sexual harassment be it subtle or overt are innumerable. Honestly, there is not a day goes by where someone doesn’t or do something that makes you feel like there is something you should be apologetic over. As if by simply being in the same social space as some gives them permission–nay, right–to comment on your appearance or existence.
There are different types of harassment. But, the idea that men are just trying to be “nice” and cat-calling is in our head, is absurd. Even the nicest of encounters I’ve had with male strangers, the situations inherently oozes of some power dynamic. I’ll recount a couple:
The Subway Rider:
For background I will tell you that I often work late into the night, sometimes 2-3am as a cocktail waitress. I take the subway home most nights, and for added background I will say I’ve never been one of these girls that’s afraid to take trains late or walk in dangerous neighborhoods, one of which I live in: Coney Island.
So I live in Coney Island, which for reference is the second to last stop on both the F and the Q lines in Brooklyn. Being just off a shift I fell asleep on the train which happens pretty often. If i miss my stop, its only one stop until the train turns around again–the risk is low. When this happens though, people will often wake me up, usually out of concern that I’ll miss my stop.
The guy woke me up at 2am to hit on me. I mean really, he didn’t wake me out of concern for missing my stop he actually felt so entitled to attention and being heard that he woke me up to ask me a bunch of superficial questions about what I study in school and if I like my job. I felt like he woke me up to be a dancing monkey. Uncool, but honestly the nicer of my accounts on the subway. Read on.
The Subway Groper
This is the guy, and I should say guys, that will stand a little too close during rush hour for a cheap feel. Flat out harassment, and I don’t know why some women stand for it. Ladies, I know I’m not alone because I’ve seen it happen to you and just shuffle 2 or 3 inches or move your bag in front of the part of your body that some random guy feels entitled to touch.
The Patron
Sexual harassment in the workplace, unfortunately is something most women will deal with in their lives. Usually from a boss, but there is not just one type. As I’ve mentioned, I’m a waitress, and there is an inherent power relationship between server and patron, denoted by titles alone. In class we spoke about a sociologist, I think it was Kimmel but I could be misremembering, who asked a cat-calling male, “why do you do the things you do? to what end? what are you seeking to get out of it” and his response was something to the effect of, “she’s gotta take it”.
This is the same conception I think the patron at a restaurant or bar takes in hitting on a waitress. I watch guys sit and drink all night, too afraid to approach women–no really, I hear them talking about it, they have no intention on hitting on women– But for a 20% tip on their credit card they feel it their right to say whatever they want to me. And the sad part is, I do have to take.
We’re not even appalled by it anymore, I cannot remember the last time a friend of mine called me to say, “you know what this scumbag on the train said to me today?” or “this creep on the street told me good morning”.
I think I have the same mentality as most women do on cat-calling and subtle harassment. And I call it subtle not to demean, but just to say the harassment that comes from passer-bys that you never see again. We’re numb to it now. It’s everyday, it’s whether we’re dolled up or bumming it out, day and night. We see it happen to other women, and just regard it as a circumstance of being a woman. It is definitely only ever about power.
After last weeks discussion in class about calling I went straight to Union Square to meet a friend. Within a span of 2 minutes, I was catcalled twice. I’ve been catcalled in the past but I was already angered and worked up about the class discussion and how women have to walk a certain way, make sure they look a certain way so they don’t get cat called. The first man was walking towards me and looked at me and said “daaaaaaamn ma”. After that I said to myself, you have to be kidding me. I walked down one more street and a guy riding his bike screamed out at me “you lookin’ good today beautiful”. The worst part of all of that was the fact that I could not say something back. Despite all my anger and frustration from class and then having it all actually happen to me, all I wanted to do was say something back to them, but for my own personal safety, I did not.
It is so sad and frustrating that in a sense women do have to take it because they never know what the man could do to them for talking back. Cat calling gives these men a sense of power over women. They know that women have to accept it and move on with their day, despite being harassed.
It is not just everyday people walking the streets in a t shirt and jeans, but it is also those “prestigious” and “honorable” white men in suits. My friends and I describe these men and as the creepy 40 year old guys, who tell their wives they’re working late, go to the bar and flirt with other women and possibly even cheat on them, but at the end of the night will go home to their wives with flowers in hand and act like nothing is wrong. I’ve seen these men also harass women on the street, asking for their numbers, or a “i’d like to get to know someone like you better”. It happens on the subway where they will go out of their way to eye down a woman and possibly brush past her and touch her on the train. Anyone can be a victim of cat calling and anyone can be the cat caller.
The last time I experience street harassment was yesterday. I was getting off the train and a group of boys were standing near the escalators. I usually don’t take certain exist, when I get off the train because around certain time there are group of men just hanging out at a certain exist. That day I had to exist there because I had to go to the bank, and that was only exist closer to the bank. As soon as I got closer to them, I could already sense them starring at me. While walking pass them, one of the men grabbed my arms and says ” You look so beautiful”. I continue walking towards the next block, and notice that one of them where following me. I started walking faster, and he caught up, and tried to have a conversation with me. I pretended I was listening to music, and ignored him. He noticed I was ignoring him, and put his arms around my shoulders and took my headphones out my ear. ” You didnt hear me talking to you”. I replied by telling him if he touch me again I will call the cops.
I find it really annoying that women are not safe in the streets. There are times where my brother will have to walk behind me at certain places, or have someone tag along with me. In the video of the women walking around NYC, it portray men of color are the ones doing cat calling or some sort of harassment. I had many white men who will drive up to me while I’m walking, and ask me for a ride, or even follow me around. No matter what color you are ,every men does it !
The last time I experienced street harassment was just yesterday. I was walking to Penn. Station on a semi-crowded street and an older man said ‘wow’ and the one second of eye contact that prompted me to make apparently encourage him to lean towards me and shout out ‘so sexy!’ This was the most extreme street harassment I’ve ever encountered and it made me feel frightened that he might get physical and also dirty because I’m not used to being leered at. I’ve been lucky enough not to have men get frustrated and yell abuse at me when I ignore them but getting harassed at all leaves me angry and frustrated because I’m too scared to ask them to stop.
I think our culture sees harassment and rape as women’s problems because women are still expected to cater to what men want and to seek their acceptance because men are seen as more important. If a woman is cat-called ‘she should be happy to have been noticed’ is an example of the belief that woman are seeking men’s approval at all times. In the case of rape people may think that women should anticipate men wanting to have sex with them if they present themselves a certain way and should therefore dress more modestly to accommodate this or they will be ‘asking for it.’ This ‘asking for it’ mentality can also be applied to street harassment if a girl is dressed a ‘certain way.’
I recall walking past a group of young men in my neighborhood, one of them called out to me but I kept walking and because I ignored him, they got upset and started cussing at me, telling me “you ain’t all that”. It made me feel uncomfortable but at the same time I thought it was funny, since he “complimented” me but just because I didn’t respond the way he wanted I’m no longer worthy as if I was interested to begin with. However, not every man who calls at a woman in the street has behaved or acted towards her in a negative way; because on numerous occasions all that was said to me was a respectful “good morning” or they wanted to ask a simple question.
There are, of course, many factors that go into catcalling and other forms of sexual harassment against women, but I think one of the most important factors is the miseducation of both young boys and girls and the constant blaming of women in their own harassment. It is truly so backwards when you think about it; there is no other crime I can think of where the victim is so heavily blamed and it seems ridiculous to ever do that, yet it is constantly done in this context.
I’ve never really noticed it, either, how infrequently boys are taught to not rape, or even about what constitutes rape. I was in 10th grade when in my co-ed gym class, only the girls were taken into a separate room during the basketball unit to take a self defense class. When I got my license my mom told me that, if I had to walk alone at night, to make sure I had 911 dialed and to hold my key between my fingers. When I went away to college for my freshman year, I was repeatedly told to never walk alone at night, even though I saw boy after boy by himself on the street. It was so easy for me to see this as normal behavior, because my sister was told the same things, and so were all of my female friends. However, when boys are not taught these things, and are not even taught about their potential preventive measures or what they could do if they see a girl getting sexually harassed by another boy, it is clear to see where a lot of the problem stems from. It also makes it easier to understand why there is so much victim blaming.
I remember I was at a sexual harassment seminar once and the majority of the boys (aged 18, 19) had no idea that women were taking these measures or were taught to take them. Most of the men there even had a vastly different definition of rape than the women. One boy in particular said that he couldn’t, by definition, rape his girlfriend. I’m definitely aware of the class and race factors that go into this as well, but I am just continually shocked to see how it can happen anywhere and how the “rape culture” is promoted and reinforced, even in my white, middle-class suburb.
I feel as if I experience street harassment almost every time I walk out my door. Whether it is meant to be innocent or not, it always gives me an uncomfortable feeling. If you ask the men that are cat calling or simply saying hi, they would tell you a woman should be flattered by such advances. I think they truly believe that. I often get “oh, so you’re too good to talk to me?” or even ” you arrogant bitch!” If I’m not “polite” enough to respond to their greetings and advances. What I don’t understand is that just because they say something that I should automatically respond like a good girl. This speaks volumes on ” Benevolent Patriarchy.” To that, I mean, we as women in general are treated like we’re lucky to have any man talk to us at all. We are so lucky that this male has decided that we are attractive enough to approach and therefore we should always be grateful and responsive. This goes for those that might be considered super attractive men as well because one’s arrogance often supersedes their physical appearance.
OFCOURSE IT DOES. i swear if i wasn’t a female i wouldn’t get away with most of the things i get away with half the time. like speeding tickets (except when there’s a speed camera or when the police is trying to get their quota up by the end of the month). when a male gets pulled over hes definitely getting a ticket if its another male cop pulling him over, most of the time that’s why my male friends wants me to drive. sometimes guys go through harassment to but we don’t see it on a daily basis. I hate when I’m walking alone and there’s a group of guys standing at the corner or in front of the store i have to go into. i just want to cross the street or find the next closest store even if its miles away where there aren’t so many guys just standing there, its intimidating and i don’t feel comfortable, they might not even want to say anything to me i could just be conditioned but its happened too often. it seems like there waiting for you to walk past them for them to say anything. and if you ignore them they have the nerve to call you a B**** or shout any insults. why must any female that don’t want to be bothered be harassed if she refuses to speak when she is approached in an inappropriate manner?
While I think that Walking 10 Minutes in New York reinforced negative stereotypes about men of color, I think that we shouldn’t pretend as though men of color do not partake in these things. I think a criticism should be rendered for the editing of the video, but I also think that criticism shouldn’t invalidate the point being made that street harassment is real for many women. If we take a closer look at street harassment, it could be noted that it occurs more frequently when when are traveling streets alone. The idea that since she is unaccompanied by others “she must be up for grabs”. Maybe the “cat-caller” feels is if an unaccompanied women is vulnerable and therefore more susceptible to the harassment. Also, we should consider the age and peer influence of young men that engage in street harassment. I’m not implying that older men don’t act in this way but it wouldn’t surprise me to find out that a majority of “cat-callers” are young men acting in concert with other young men to assert their masculinity socially.
I guess there are a whole host of factors to consider when observing the details that go into street harassment. I guess the socio-economical status, race, other demographics etc.
Yes, you are correct. Good catch! The criticism that you raise about the video was actually raised by many others soon after it was released, as the video producers were asked about why they appeared to focus on men of color. One critic, a sociologist, pointed out that this behavior says as much about social class as race. Poor and working class men, by virtue of their structural position in society, are more likely to engage in sexist behavior on the streets. White men, on ther other hand, because of their historical social structural advantages, engage in sexist behavior at a different level – in their companies, in the boardroom, through employment practices, etc. They are doing the same thing at a different level, but the way they do it can’t be rendered so dramatically on camera. Age, as you point out, also has a lot to do with it.
I remember at a young age feeling compelled to walk behind my mother and prevent men from staring at her ass. She was catcalled frequently whether my younger sister and I were present or not. She actually notices the decline in catcalling as she has gotten older. I cannot recall the first time that I was catcalled, but I remember my most recent encounter being today. A man walking in the opposite direction of me on the sidewalk said “You look beautiful.” Even though I was noticeably on the phone, I said thank you and continued my conversation.
Most women would, without a shadow of a doubt, call this harassment. Since I didn’t feel personally threatened or imposed upon by him, I don’t call this harassment. All of the examples provided are, without argument, forms of sexual harassment. However, I wonder where that line is drawn or if anyone wants to admit that one exists. Is it based on the person on the receiving end of the catcalling? If the person welcomes the catcalling, are they still being harassed? For men, it can definitely be seen as a claim to their supposed inherent power as men to catcall women in their social space. For women, can’t it also be seen as a self esteem booster? Even for women who speak about how they don’t welcome the behavior, they notice when it stops.
Granted, being catcalled makes you feel like your under a microscope and like you’re undergoing a full body scan. Personally, I’ve learned not to think much of it after a series of women have been physically assaulted or killed for being “ungrateful.” It is in no way fair that I should fear my life if I don’t acknowledge a stranger that makes me uncomfortable, but it also isn’t worth my life if I don’t spare these men two seconds of acknowledgement. However, if I was being pursued and taunted the way the woman in the first clip was, I’d take my chances.
The fact that men feel it’s necessary for females to even reply to cat-calling is proof that we live in a sexist society. Living in NYC, cat calling is something almost every female has experienced but I find the term rather euphemistic. When a man finds it appropriate to comment on a female’s body as a way of “getting her attention”, that should be considered “verbal rape”. Not only do these kind of comments cause a female to feel violated but it also allows a man to exercise physical privilege because generally if a female is to respond by defending herself, she is subject to an argument in which the man’s physicality will triumph.
During adolescence, I had a tendency to always “talk back” anytime a guy tried to “holler” at me. Once when I was at some sit-in bodega with my friend Cassie, a group of guys began to say the typical “What’s good ma’s” and “Can I get your numbers”. Cassie and I simply ignored them until our rejections of their supposed patriarchal dominance got them angry. One of the guys approached me and asked “Why are you ignoring me?”, I tried to keep it courteous and simply do the typical “Sorry, I gotta boyfriend” routine but that only provoked more benevolent patriarchy in him and the rest of his male group.
They began to comment on both me and my friend’s physical appearance with a diction that solely related to sex and spoke loudly as if their conservation was some way to allure us. Both me and my friend felt disgusted so I told them as any typical teenager would to “shut up” and keep their comments to themselves, but of course that only resulted in them exhibiting even more patriarchal behavior. They all began strengthening their voices and threatening us with phrases like “I don’t care if you’re a girl, don’t disrespect me” and “Tell me to shut up one more time”.
This kind of reaction is common with men once they feel as though their entitlement has been devalued. The only resolution to reinforce entitlement is by trying to physically intimidate the female which leaves us as females in very vulnerable positions.Luckily all was resolved by a male employee instructing them to leave the bodega. What I find fascinating to this very day is that their notion of respect was based on my friend and I submitting to their sexual comments without defense. Once I revolted, they got angry..as though females are supposed to accept this kind of “verbal rape”.
I have experienced street harassment many times. It’s rude, disgusting and puts me in a situation either to be friendly or ignore the situation. In New York City, you have to say acknowledge them, be courteous, make small talk to satisfy hunger. I feel that you have to put on a performance in order for them to get the “doer” off your back or you will be subjected to worse things. People are crazy and vicious and will do anything to make the victim feel less then they are already are. Hence, that is why I must simply make small talk for my own safety. You simply can’t say “I do not want to be bothered.”
I think that men always can take on self-control. It is social construction that tells them that they have to act a certain way in order to get by in society. Men do not see themselves as individuals. Rather, they see themselves as a group that is tightly woven together. Because if one dropped stitch, the bond of masculinity is broken.
I feel that this topic isn’t addressed as a “woman’s problem” because women do not want to be put in that situation. It is also that women feel “helpless” or to do not want to bring more problems to the situation. It is also a tough situation because women want to remain and protect their innocence.
Sexism would never go away. Because men would always feel overpowering then women, and weak minded women would believe it too. No woman no matter what she says, how she walks, and what she wears, she should never be harassed. As a woman and having many encounters myself with harassment by men it has made me so uncomfortable.
One day I was walking by a group of men who were calling me but i paid no mind. They continued until they noticed that I wasn’t going to pay attention. And that’s when they started barking at me. I felt so offended and I knew that I didn’t deserve that because at the end of the day we are all human men and women and we deserve respect.
At the end of the day sexism should end and it should start with the media, and that’s where it all starts.
It’s funny because I have to go through this everyday, whether I look like crap or not. Its just disgusting. It just happen to become pretty normal to me which is scary now that I think of it. All I do is just stay quiet and move along to where I have to go.
For many years when I used to live in Jamaica, the same old drug dealers always in the corner always trying to hit on me and I would always just ignore it or cross the street to avoid them. After so many years, I realized they stopped when they saw me in my medical assistant scrubs. I guess that probably intimidated them and they just eventually got tired of trying that now they leave me alone. Here and there I hear “That’s wifey” come out their mouths. I just feel like telling all of them to shut up but I’m sure that will trigger to something worse than just words. The world (or should I just say New York) is full of disgusting men (not only old men) but most men are just disgustingly always checking younger girls and saying something inappropriate. It disgusts me so much on the train as well that even when I see someone making inappropriate eye contact I make a disgusted look and get up and change my seat.
There was one time when I was walking to the train station to go home. There was couple of guys hanging out around the train station and I immediately put my head down and just kept walking. As I was walking past them, there was this one guy, who was Spanish and looked like he was around his forty’s. He said something in Spanish, which was ” Ay Mami! Why don’t you come over here and sit on my lap? You know you want to.” I ignored him and continue walking and then he was said, “Come on girl, don’t be like that.” I suddenly felt scared because I was in a city where I am not familiar with and with a situation like this happens, I felt very unsafe and went inside the train station and sat next a family just in case something were to happen. It is just creepy and gross that an old man hits on a young female and doesn’t feel like what they are doing is wrong. I’m surprise that men don’t know how creepy and stupid they look when they hit on girls.
I spend a lot of time in Philadelphia and when you are walking through the streets alone or with other women it is very common for men to harass you. One time I was walking alone in the middle of the day to the train station and the whole time I had to listen to many men call out at me and try to stop me on the street. I usually just keep my head down and try my best not to make eye contact but in reality I feel very uncomfortable. It makes me feel really unsafe as well. Especially when they walk behind you, one time I could hear this guy talking about me with his friend as they walked behind me for three blocks. They spoke loud enough that I could hear them and every couple minutes they’d tell me to “wait up”. The entire time I kept trying to speed up and walk quicker to get away from them. Being a smaller sized girl walking alone in the city, not knowing anyone around you can be really scary. When you add the factor of larger men yelling at you and following closely behind you, it can be very terrifying. I’ve gotten to the point where I feel that I can’t walk around in the city without a male friend or some kind of protection. It’s not fair that because I am a woman I have to be afraid to walk alone in the city.
As a male, I must say that I have actually been cat called. I would have never thought this would happen to guys but sure enough it does. For me, I was walking to meet my girlfriend at the movies when I was first cat called. Two girls were standing pretty distant from me yelling things like “Hey there lightskin. My friend thinks you look good as fuck. Why don’t you come over here so she can talk to you?” I honestly just chuckled and paid it no mind. However, i did feel slightly uncomfortable. That only happened to me once. Women must undergo a lot of stress from cat calling due to the fact they experience it more frequently.
I have actually experienced both sides of “Cat Calling”. Every now and then when my friends and I would be bored hanging out and saw a cute girl, sometimes one of us would make a comment to her and laugh about it thinking it was funny. It wasn’t until recently when I was spending some time with my sister in Freehold town and a man yelled to my sister, “hey baby you are looking hot today”. When I heard this come out of his mouth and saw my sisters reaction to it I realized how immature it sounded and also noticed that women do not find it funny or attractive at all. Now seeing first hand how my sister reacted to it, made me think of how dumb men sound when they “holla” at random girls on the street.
Matt, thank you for your very honest answer. It’s always good to hear about different perspectives. And good to know your sister is having a positive influence!
I recall at the young age of fourteen I was with my mother down in North Carolina in a Walmart. This man, who looked at least nineteen, followed us around the store for about five minutes. He finally went away, or so we thought. As we were leaving the store I heard someone shout “Ay yo ma ! Shorty in the jean shorts ! ” Without even turning to look I realized it was that same guy, I was so upset. My immediate response was ” Ay yo ma?! That’s not even proper grammar ! I bet your mother raised you better than that. I was so upset I continued and screamed out that I’m underage and that it was sexual harassment. The situation left me feeling very embarrassed, me ! I couldn’t believe that he had the audacity to hit on a young child. My mother was so proud that I stood up for myself, that’s just the woman she raised me to be. However, I know many women probably would have kept walking just to get away from the person harassing them because the situation is uncomfortable.